The thing is that i cannot live up to the expectations and i feel extremely depressed and anxious because of this. i also developed some kind of social phobia, as i tend to avoid social meetings and family reunions, i even closed all of my social networking accounts and I had to end a 6 months relationship with a gorgeus girl because i hated going out and talking to her, mostly because she was the entire opposite of me (extroverted, superficial and airheaded). I hate people and always fantasized of exterminating the entire human population (i know that sounds horrible or even childish), im a sociopath, that means i feel no regrets, dont love anyone and use people only to satisfy my desires (i just feel like im in a debt with my parents and only respect them and put them before anyone else because of that), the irony here is that i cant stand someone better, smarter or better looking than me, that plus the fact that the society i live in expects me to be just as dumb and plain like them makes me wonder if its really worth living in such a decaying world where something like god isnt relevant anymore. I tried to search for a purpose in life, something im made for... But now everything looks extremely superficial and not worth living for. I consumed some antidepresants and anxiety drugs in the past and visited a few psicologists, but none of them helped me. I would like to know what kind of problem i have and how could i try to resolve it, be creative and dont tell me to simply go see a therapist. I cant stand these people anymore, sometimes i wish i was born like them and just live to have fun, but i cant.
Im a 22 years old medicine student, i live with my parents and brother in south america. Before you try to analize my situation i have to explain a bit how does my life look like. I live in a wealthy environment, that means im surrounded by the upper class people and my family expects me to be a succesful proffessional. as you may have guessed, the country i live in is very poor and the gap between normal and rich people is enourmous and that is why my parents wanted us to live in a upper class society. But thats where the problem begins... The fact that i must live up to the expectations of my family and friends. My family wants me to finish my studies in a high ranking u.s university, and my friends expect me to be just like them, that means going to the gym every day, going to the most exclusive parties and of course being with the most gorgeous girls. There is also something that is completely unknown for foreigners and that is the fact that the latin american society in general is EXTREMELY racist, as generally the indigenous population is discriminated as well people from countries where most people belong to that group (example: bolivia-argentina)