I wasn't allowed to see certain movies if he thought they were bad. I couldn't keep my own car when he was working to go visit my mother in the nursing home because he always wanted to be there. I couldn't go to bed at night if I was tired and just sleep because he wanted to be intimate every night no matter what, no excuses. I had to have my school work done before he came home from work even if I still had more to do, it had to be done. I couldn't play with my pets much when he was around or it meant I loved them more than him. I had to get rid of most of my music cd's because he didn't approve of the music I listened to. I had to be careful if I worked on a craft project without him so most of my crafts just sit in the closet. I have injuries to my neck and lower back making it difficult for me to do certain physical things but he often demanded sex after work as well as bedtime even if my body was hurting. he would keep me up late fighting knowing I had to get up early with the kids for school. Everything I wanted to buy was monitored and I was in trouble for buying 10 dollar peppermint lights for the yard even though he missed countless days from work because of his arguing with me and staying up all night. He once told me he could easily do the "psycho thing" and then let it at that. He once fought with me because on the way to the grocery store I stopped at the corner store for toilet paper and did not tell him I was going. I am not allowed to drink an alcoholic drink because one time when we were out and had a baby sitter a man offered to buy me a drink. I refused the drink and the man apologized. I couldn't use my computer when he was home to look at recipes or anything because it took away from his time. I had to try and get the kids to bed by 8 pm every night because he had to get up early for work and didn't want to sleep alone. I would often wake up with him at 3am and stay awake after he left so I could start on all of the housework and my school work and have it done before he got home and wanted sex. I was in a constant state of exhaustion. I would cry because I couldn't see my mother for days on end even though she is 10 minutes away in a home. I prayed she would not die before I got to hug her again. I bought mom some Christmas decorations at the Goodwill to decorate her room and he was there to take over every thing and give his two cents as always. He told me I was dumb and couldn't think straight. I used to think to myself that he was driving me crazy and didn't even realize it. I was a prisoner and no bars were needed to keep me locked up. He tried to break my spirit but he didn't. I am still alive although I am tired. I am happy he is gone. I loved him with all of my heart and I tried to bring goodness and love to his life. I gave him a wonderful home filled with our pets, two kids who wanted to be friends with him and spend time with him, great homemade dinners and the security that comes from truly being loved. He tried to destroy me and claimed he loved me above all things in life.......if that was love then hate most be horrible.