Quote:
Originally Posted by rouge198
Is it normal to feel feelings of longing & associate sexual arousal only with your first sexual partner after breakup?
My ex was almost 15 years older than me and I met him during undergrad. He was the first man I ever saw naked, was naked in front of and or did anything more than kiss. We broke up this year and I'm not seeing anyone else. I also don't have any plans to.
He slept with a sex worker a few months after our breakup and I wondered if it was because he'd had sex before so it was easy for him to do something intimate like that with someone else. He said it was he just wanted a body and that it was unfulfilling because he missed what he had with me & sex with the sex worker was all business and not intimate. That he was with a sex worker ruined any chance of reconciliation for me. He is a csa survivor & it disgusted me that he did that.
I have no interest in being with anyone else sexually and feel it impossible to even have the desire for it because it took me so long to share that part of myself with my ex. Is this normal?
I would like these feelings to go away as they are preventing me from moving on.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. How long did it take you to move on emotionally from your first intimate partner?
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short version you will never forget your first one and will never lose that attraction to the first one, simply because he was your first one..
this is just how the brain works. usually the first of anything in life makes a huge impact and strong memories, strong emotions on a person. therefore the brain is primed to remember the "firsts" in life. even something like a childs first tooth, ask any parent if they remember their childs first tooth and the answer is yes. ask any girl if they remember their first period, their first boyfriend, their first date, their first anything and they will usually remember. just because of the emotions and memories tied to their firsts.
how long does it take for you to move on emotionally...well each person is different, some people can move on to the next one relatively easy despite their memories and emotions tied to their first and others it can take years.
one tip is to keep an open mind and not compare the nexts to the first. that way you are open to all the fun and experiences that a new person in your life can bring.
example I could sit here and compare my present love of my life to my first but they would only cause my own heart pain, cause me to miss out on all those things that my love of my life brings to your friendship, relationship, marriage, hopes and dreams.
just take it one step at a time and when you are ready for another love in your life it will happen for you.