I would get professional help as far as you describe porn watching habits and the other stuff going on in your head, I have intrusive thoughts involving sex and violence and my pdoc think it is associated with having uncontrolled OCD, so you could have something undiagnosed going on.

It is quite normal for people to be confused about their sexual attractions. For me I find women attractive to a point, but I am not attracted to their sexual part but the shape of their bodies and femininity where as I am attracted to men's parts but overall I find the female body more attractive so its complicated. I guess in my dream world I would be with a beautiful preop man to woman transexual.