Hello fellow roller coaster riders - I'm new signing up but I was diganosed bp about five years ago - after being misdiagnosed for years previously. It took a small visit to the institution to get my act together again but I'd like to think of myself as one of the success stories - with the medical cocktail they've had me on, the highs weren't so manic nor the lows so bad that I'd break down.

Until about seven months ago - when my wife unexpectedly died at the very young age of 34, leaving a very sad husband, son and daughter. Death and BP disorder don't mix well - needless to say it's been real tough emotionally - mostly lows of pure grief and utter despair, making it real tough to do my job and give my kids the attention they need. At the same time, I've recognized and have started to "move on" - I totally accept her passing.

But I still feel in a serious rut - one I can't get out of. The normal questions of one's mortality strike an even deeper chord inside me. I find myself starting to "check out" women passing by, yet still feeling an illogical guilt that I'm still somehow being unfaithful to my wife's memory that makes me break out into tears.

Has anyone on this forum experienced the death of a spouse? Anyone want to chime in at all?

thanks....