I have been dealing with this disorder for quite a long time. I have experianced the highs and the lows, but more recently it has been severe bipolar depressiln. Growjng up I was sexually abused more then 10 times all by different people. I recently opened up about it and my depression has become worse. All I think about is dieing and suicide. The only reason I haven't acted on my thoughts is I dont want to hurt the people that "love me" a few days ago a friend of mine comitted suicide and it is causing me to want to act on my thoughts more then ever. I am extremely anxious, I was before, but now it is alot worse. I dont know what to do anymore.