Quote:
Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow
I am not so sure I agree with you:
You know what, I didn't just agree to it. I recommended it. "Maybe you had better go deal with that. I'll wait." Is this not just a decent thoughtful thing to do? Should you not be proud of yourself?
Now why the **** would I do that if I was just going to be angry about it, later? Why would you be angry? You did right, you helped someone else, maybe on reflection you might have said, 'go deal with this person, I will call you and reschedule,' but you did not, so it goes, hindsight is easy. Maybe next time.
Why the **** would T agree? Perhaps they felt the other person's need was urgent, perhaps they too on reflection might have said they were sorry and it would be better to reschedule. But they didn't. No one is perfect.
|
I appreciate this perspective,because it was basically what I was thinking at the time, too. I think I was genuinely trying to be thoughtful and helpful.
It was when, five minutes later, I started to resent being thoughtful and helpful--started thinking that maybe MY therapy hour should be all about ME, after all--that I got upset. Because I couldn't forgive myself for that twinge of resentment. It felt incredibly selfish, self-absorbed, and like my "problems" must pale in comparison to whatever was going on with this crisis person, so why was I there wasting T's time in the first place? I didn't like that self-hatred at all. It wasn't a happy thought. So I got huffy with T because it feels good to exorcise self-hatred.
Now, it isn't T's fault that my brain works like that. Of course not. But--if we were talking about someone else, here, not me--I would say that maybe T shouldn't have allowed that situation to occur because, hey, is it really surprising when people in therapy act/think like they should be in therapy?
I don't know. It seems complicated. Maybe it isn't.