Hi StillIntending,

You sound like a remarkably lovely person to me. Terrible people don't put nearly so much thought into how their behaviors affect other people, however, rather than dream of afflicting others with your troubles, you've taken it all on yourself. Not entirely effective, as a good idea would be to consider showing yourself at least as much kindness as you are showing others, but clearly you have a most excellent heart and that's a great place to start. Have you ever read Desiderata? It's the most lovely personal prayer which includes the passage "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." It's a reminder I've often needed to give myself.

Regarding relationships of friendship: I believe there is always some intrinsic mutuality there, each gains something from and of the other; we are mirrors unto one another through which we can also know ourselves, and no doubt your friendship has such gains for both you and your friend as well. However, sometimes what our friends gain from us can be mysterious to us simply because we're living on the other side of that coin. I think it's great that you're able to have self-awareness about what you gain, but are also interested in evolving the friendship through that awareness. To me the best friendships are those that exist over time, that grow with us in sometimes new and surprising ways, even while the broader gifts of constancy between who we are to one another also evolve.

I wish you focus and love on your continued journey. And remember, only the very best people are introspective and thoughtful enough to have depressive tendencies.