I am really sorry for the loss of your wife....while I have never lost my spouse...things have been gritty so to say. I think that the feelings you have are normal....have you talked to your T? He/She might be able to shine a bit more light on things and help you to work through the problems you face with the loss of your wife and you may want to consider grief counseling for your children. I am sure (know how bp is) that having you messed up with bp and grief is not helping them...they probably need an outlet also. Think about talking to your T or pdoc.