I certainly can't tell you what did or did not happen to you. If what you are thinking of did not actually happen, I would believe there is some trapped feelings about some other type of trauma that you are trying to access and express. It's probably coming out this way in the morning when you defenses are down and your mind is not distracted by daily activities.

For me, I saw horrific images for years and denied their truth, squashing it with compulsive behaviors to numb the fear and the pain. I don't deny anymore.

be well,

mtd