Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
That's weird, you sound a LOT like someone I was quite close to... she has SA, spends a lot of time on a MMORPG, takes time to make her character look nice (which I could never understand), would at times get so angry she would have to stay away from me for a bit. I have a few questions (if you don't mind)... do you have any close friends? Have your friends ever expressed dissatisfaction at your avoidant behavior (which results in you getting quite angry)? Are you conflict avoidant, and feel anger when you feel someone is criticizing you? Do you find it easy to cut people out of your life? Do you wonder whether you know what love is/have the ability to feel love?
|
I currently have no close friends, although I have had a small number of close friends over the years.
Yes I have had a few friends in my life get upset with me when I shut down and detach emotionally, I tend to just fall of the radar for stretches of time. In one case the gal was so hurt and angry that she cornered me in a parking lot and said she wouldn't be my friend anymore. In the other cases it was more so being a bit miffed or mildly upset.
The above ^ did not cause me to feel angry. I did not feel anything at all, tbh. I always inevitably detach from people and go numb about it, and just want to be alone. So at the point at which they're getting upset, I'm already very detached and numb.
I am very conflict avoidant, I don't like it at all and it gives me anxiety. My anger is volcanic in nature. 99% of the time I am actually a very chill person, at least on the surface. But eventually it starts bubbling over into my conscious thoughts, and once in a blue moon I completely explode, like blowing fuse, and it's usually due to being overwhelmed with too many problems and stress sources at once.
Criticism does sting me, so if I am already in a bad mood, it could lead to anger, sure, by not by default. Sometimes it will lead to anxiety, or shame. Other times I feel nothing.
I'm not sure if "easy" is the exact right word. I don't really choose to cut people out of my life, like it's not a conscious decision. I just go through periods of mentally and emotionally detaching. It's like life becomes too overwhelming and I just shut down. If there was some sort of blow-up between myself and a friend, I would probably feel overwhelmed and shut down, go numb and detached. It wouldn't so much be the case of thinking, "I am going to cut this person out of my life," but it would happen because I would cease engaging.
And yes, I have wondered those things many times. To me love seems like a form of madness that is somehow tempting to people. Sort of like psychedelics. And for some people, life spikes their beverage and they get drugged against their will.