Hey. Your mind can do awful things to you. I have been hospitalized twice when I literally lost my mind and could think of only taking my life. When your brain does that you are totally irrational in thought. You need to go get care as soon as possible. Being trapped in the hospital can do wonders for you. First of all, it keeps you alive. Second, you will get direct attention to your needs. Get a loved one and talk to them about going in, don't take yourself. If you need a listening ear, PM me.