Gladi118, i loved your post. We all have screwed up from time to time. First, you must forgive yourself. None of us can live this life perfectly. That is not a possibility. Secondly, you have to forgive others who hurt you besides forgiving yourself. Then you can feel better about yourself. why beat yourself up over the past and live in the past when the present is right in front of you? and none of us are deserving of a lot of things yet by the Grace of God we have them, cause He loves us. And he loves you. So pick yourself up, know that you are precious and of great value. And forgive yourself, love yourself and start ever so gradually to move forward. Don't let negativity rule your life by taking up space in your head. Think on good positive things and one day you will wake up and see life has change. Hang in there, it does get better, one day at a time. blessings.