I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I'm dreading the holidays because I'll be spending time with my brother and I need space from him for a while (and he's coming for three days....so now I'm trying to fill that space with whatever I can find. Hopefully an extra therapy session and that takes half a day and somehow some of my sewing is going to get delayed to the last minute. Don't know how that happened..... oops.) I hate letting people see I'm not fine.

My therapist would say not to worry what they think and if you feel bad then feel bad and they can handle it. Be polite but do what you have to do. But that's really hard and right now we're having hard discussions because he thinks I refuse to listen and I think he's asking for something impossible. But that's one professional's opinion. (I've missed some holidays before because he or my pdoc said I was too sick. He's even offered to give me excuse notes saying I just couldn't do whatever. But my family never really understands although they are understanding more after seeing this last year up close).

So I guess I would say the ideal is to be however you feel without the smile and the more reachable is to find things that get you out of there for a while at a time if you can. Tell them you aren't sleeping well and take some naps (even if you are sleeping and just go and lay down and read or something). Take a walk, whatever.

I'm sorry you have to do this. I know how hard it is.