partially I chose to not go out with anyone for a long time, just to get better emotionally and not be so dependent. It worked, but I find myself doing the opposite what I used to do in my teens, was that now I don't even want a close relationship from some silly get together and the other person is too engrossed into a relationship with me they lose sight getting to know me or me getting to know them.

I just stop wanting what everyone is having. I don't want kids at all, I don't want marriage. I don't want casual hookups when I'm in a serious relationship and I don't want a serious relationship if it's not serious for example if I was in a relationship for 8 months etc and this wasn't really taking things seriously then and just continued the same glossy bs about how they try to kiss my *** a lot and really make it seem artificial instead when at first it wasn't. I don't know how to exactly describe it, but the other person doesn't grow with me they don't even act like someone I'm dating. Like I'm used to that.

It's not something good either, I'm not referring as well. It makes everything feel empty.

I don't want marriage, because it isn't my goal, and I don't ever bring this up unless I was asked about it, because it's a personal issue I have because of my parents, and the fact I don't agree and believe it's something I should just go with like most people here. I don't like it because it's a multi billion dollar business with divorce as just the same and it feels like it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not saying marriage is bad, the concept is great, but how it's institutionalized and expected is not so much. It's not an excuse for me out of intimacy issues. I don't understand what drives people to force themselves to lose everything over someone else and the sacrifice isn't usually worth it, both parties lose a lot and everyone feels like crap or one person wins the other has their life ruined financially. I don't ever want that so no.

Kids, I never want them, I like them, but I don't want them. After what my ex did to me for 2 years abusing me a lot and wanting to drive a wedge between me and my child before she aborted her and how she was going to make me pay for child support at 18 and treat her like **** and she get away with it making up insane stories while stalking me about how bad of a person I am when my friends and her former friends knew I didn't do anything wrong and she should of stopped treating me her dad and the people who care about her like crap and that. If she got full custody of our daughter, she'd treat her so badly, in a neglectful way, and the fact I don't like how she would bring random crazy dudes who beat up on her after we dated and who knows if my child was born and was forced to deal with getting physically harmed by someone else and I can't do anything about it. NO never again I'm going to deal with that painful experience and I'm not going to have a child in anytime ever in the future, because it hurts that much from the last time.

So to be clear I know I'm entitled to my feelings and I know some people wouldn't agree how I would do it and expect me to work on those things to be married to someone or give in having kids and I don't like that mentality at all. Why do people expect others to cave in to that?

That's just not normal why do people do that instead letting the person decide for themselves. I see so many stories about how women and men want to tie a knot so quickly without giving thought what the other person thinks and when it's all said and done both are quickly unhappy don't show it take it out on themselves and later others and expect things to get better by being whiny about it.

Seriously I lived my whole experience like that and seeing it in other families all the time.
I'm happy for people who get married and have kids. I just wish them the best that's all, but when people drag me into **** that isn't my problem because of their marriage or children that's where I draw the line and say no.

It's just not for me. I'm just wanting to clarify that a lot of people and older people think people should do it as it's a good thing and that people won't want to go far with you if you don't expect to marry them. Like why don't people like me just have a choice not be like, "ok hands up get married or it's over." like that's not ok.
It's not me saying I'm not marrying you so I can break up anytime, it's me just saying. I like you a lot, and I don't want you to leave and I won't make that happen already I just don't need this because it will complicate things and I feel if the person disagrees they can either deal with it or leave on their behalf. I don't care either way.

I'm so sick of people telling me about marriage and kids it's like do you talk anything else. I'm just saying.