My hypomania got too out of control last night. I started speaking so fast, moving so fast..everything was so fast. That part was fine. I was feeling so euphoric. My boyfriend told me I was going too fast and tried to calm me down, which worked for about 10 minutes, but I skyrocketed back up in no time. Then I made a mistake and almost jeapordized my relationship - again. Why. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, at the time. In fact I was positive that it was something I should be doing. I feel so ashamed..so awful. I've hurt the person I love the most yet again, albeit in a slightly different way than before. It didn't even fully sink in until I woke up. I thought that I had gained better control of myself and had learned from past errors. I refused to believe that my disorder is controlling me...but it clearly is, to a greater extent than I may have realized. I still take responsibility for what I have done, but I also know that I was not in full control. My boyfriend is very understanding of my condition but he is hurt nonetheless, and I am not okay with that. I sure hope that lithium starts working soon. The euphoria, motivation, and confidence are great - but the clouded judgement and consequences that follow it? Not so much.