My father died of cancer and nobody told me he was dying, so it was a total shock, a few years later I had a mad crush on this boy ( I was 16), instead of losing my virginity to him, I went on a date with an older brother of a friend who slipped me something and date raped me. I am not as obsessed with my father's death, I am not at all emotional about the rape, but for some reason I never stopped obsessing about the lack of love from this guy. I think all these things are related.