It's strange.
It still hurts.
Being alive I mean.
Not pleasant.
Was happy today.
Night hit.
Mood plummeted.
Bad anxiety.
No attention-span.
Can't be happy.
It hurts.
So much.
Please make it stop.
So tired.
So fed up.
Can't get this.
No regularity.
Bad mood swings.
Want to cry.
Can't.
Need something.
Need release.
Can't.
SI is bad.
Want it.
Need it.
Help me.
Can't do this.
Completely numb.
Need to feel.
Feel sick.
Life hard.
Deep dark pit.
Falling.
Need a drink.
Shouldn't.
Want one though.
Need help.
Can't talk.
No feelings.
Bad thoughts.
Bad memories.
Make them stop.
Please.
Can't do this.
Need to breathe.
So hard.
Muscles shaking.
Bad thoughts winning.
All negative.
Can't tell truth from lie.
So hurt.
Completely alone.
Scared.
Abandoned.
Need help.
Can't ask for it.
I hurt.
Don't like life.
So hard.
Stressed out.
Need break.
Sleep is good.
Just need break.
Make them stop.
Need to cry.
Muscles hurt.
Shaking.
Feel sick.
Make it stop.
Can't breathe.
So hard.
Can't do this.
Need relief.
Hurt.
Pain.
Suffering.
Alone.
Abandoned.
All bad.
So bad.
Stop.
Please.
Can't.
My fault.
All my fault.
So hard.
Can't relax.
Make it stop.
Too many thoughts.
No focus.
No attention.
Breathing hard.
Need sleep.
So hard to reach.
All alone.
Want help.
Need to cry.
Want to.
Can't.
Need release.
SI bad.
Want to though.
Bad thoughts.
Tired.
So tired.
Hurt.
Make it stop.
So sad.
Dark outside.
Hurts.
Scary.
Life is scary.
World is bad.
Scary world.
Life is hard.
Don't want to.
Make it stop.
Stress stress stress.
Need to breathe.
Can't.
Bad thoughts winning.
So tired.

Time for bed I guess.

(ps. Not suicidal ... just not a good night. Or series of nights )