I'm having a horrible time sleeping the last few days. I think I'm having a bit of a mixed episode which explains why I feel slightly better but am not on any reasonble measure. And I am so cranky.

Christmas is going to be hard this year. As some of you know my brother was sentenced to probation for something fairly ugly and way too close to some of my own past experiences about 2 weeks ago. We'd been told that he wouldn't be allowed to leave his county and my therapist and I had decided I wouldn't do Christmas with him this year but the attorney was wrong and he is coming. For 3 days. So I'm devising plans to make sure that I'm "busy" for as much of that time as possible. I'm not ready to be with him. And right now is not the time for me to set down limits because I can't do it calmly.

And unless things are much better by the 21st right after Christmas I'll start tapering Seroquel and maybe klonopin so I can go on Clozaril. I'll be IP for getting off Seroquel and my pdoc has told me that I won't be feeling good yet when I come home from the hospital b/c my clozaril dose won't be high enough. So that is kind of scary. ECT was considered and discarded a few months ago and I need to find out if ECT is still a possibility. Or if it is a better possibility than before rather. I'll have a different IP dr. so anything could happen.

I just need to get past being cranky. I am getting offended too easily. If that's happened on here (it has) I apologize. Hopefully this will pass quickly.