Sounds funny, but pardon my choice of words. Earlier this year, I was assaulted by a friend of mine, and even though the abuse continued, I developed feelings for him. Didn't seem like he knew what he was doing or how it affected me, but for some reason, I took the blame and ended up like this.

I talked to him tonight, and was even going to see him. It's been a really long time since I last spoke or saw him, though I didn't get the chance to actually see him. He was on his way to see me, though because of my anxiety and the fact my dad doesn't know I left for that reason exactly, I told him not to.

For some reason, I'm yearning to relive the good times there were with him earlier this year. Talking to him made me feel lonely and how all the friends I had then left and I pushed him out and let him back. And I'm not sure what to feel. Why do I like him, why do I want to relive those times even though there were good times. Maybe I'm sick and maybe I did want it. But I wasn't comfortable at all and said no and boom. Here I am, still talking about it. >