Quote:
Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly
When you talk about feeling different and wondering why you can't be functional, I totally feel you. I know we are just a small cross-section of the bipolar community because people only come to forums if they're in a bad place, but I was only yesterday wondering what the average level of functioning is for someone with BP. I feel like I'm a weird case because I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33. In a year and a half I've been hospitalized 6 times and now my treatment team has decided I need residential. Umm... What? Last summer I was finally working my dream job, I was a rising star in my company, interacting with VPs every day. Now I can't even brush my teeth on a regular basis.
So when you say you wonder why you're different than other people, I understand. I have a twin who I feel like got handed all the luck (relatively) in life. I don't know why I can't consistently function like her, but I also don't get why I can't function like I used to. My family doesn't understand how I look like me and my voice sounds like me but nothing else is the same. They think I don't want to get better. I just can't believe it's possible that I have plummeted..
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WibblyWobbly thank you so much for posting this. It makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only one who feels like they have underachieved.
It hurts so much because when I go to sleep at night i can't think of anything other then being a failure. I try so hard to imagine a happy scenario where I am living even a normal, simple life. But every night I dread going to sleep because then it's just me alone with my thoughts and I can't muster up even a nice scene of me walking on the beach.
In my last appt with my pdoc I said something about the fact that I've been hospitalized 9 times in 7 years. I stopped for a moment and said out loud (in regards to my condition) "it's pretty bad." He just looked at me and nodded his head. It was like we sharing a moment when I was finally saying what he already knew.
I certainly don't want to make it out like you have it worse than me, but 6 times in one year? I've never been through that much hell all at one time. That's freaking impressive.
I'm working on the SSDI. Thanks for throwing in that glimmer of hope about the car. [emoji57]
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