Congratulations on day 1, splitimage. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and empathize. You can always message me if you ever want to talk, if you need support (I don't check this forum often). I have been on the sobriety/relapse road before and finally managed to get sober over nine years ago. I think you're strong to keep trying. Most people don't hear that enough, I think, when it's so true. I'll be thinking of you.