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<font color="green"> To my surprise I had to think long and hard to recall ‘my first session.’ My daughter was already seeing this therapist and I was really struggling to handle the stories of abuse that both my girls were telling their therapists. I had known when we adopted that they had been assaulted but I had only known the generalities not any specifics. We had just changed therapists cos the girls’ old one decided I was making them sicker. It wasn’t true but I took it to heart and had one of my worst crashes.
I was using SI to keep from suicide and really afraid of what I was feeling. We had had several little talks but she sat me down and told me that I deserved to have my own therapy. I deserved to heal and feel better about myself. So I scheduled my first appointment. I remember cracking the usual jokes that I had always used to distance myself from my pain and she wouldn’t let it go. I already felt a connection to her and I recall that I was afraid that she would decide that I was not worth treating or not capable of healing. She saw me weekly for the first few years. I don’t recall a lot of those early appointments just the deep fear of rejection and the sickness of having my lost memories resurface.
Ok I have written a book instead of a short post but that is the way my life seems to go.
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dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
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