I can definitely sympathize as well with this. I'm 25 as well and often make mistakes that people go out of their way to criticize me for. While sometimes our mistakes are indeed our own doing, there are other instances where you can't put all the blame on yourself for something that you aren't aware of. Sometimes stuff just happens and we can't be totally omniscient to it. People with MI, myself included, often put a lot of that on us personally when, in some cases, mistakes happen to everyone. In most cases, we can learn from what happens and take steps to ensure it won't become an issue. Sometimes just experiencing certain things once will allow us to prepare for it more effectively in the future, as long as we take steps toward improving it.

I also relate to what you said about being called "smart"...like you, I've had people call me that all my life, almost like it was supposed to bring me some kind of confidence. Through the bullying of school and the stresses of everyday life, I no longer feel "smart". Because "smart" only gets you so far these days...hell, I've known homeless people who are incredibly intelligent! I just don't know what went wrong along the way. People throw all this naivete at you and expect you to think life is simple. And then get surprised when you respond with naivete of your own...parents told me, "if someone unintelligent can go through life, you definitely can, because you're smart"...it just doesn't work that way. Maybe they have better opportunities, maybe they're well-connected, maybe they got lucky or even won the lottery? Who knows. All I know is, no one has given me any advantage. I've had to work from zero and earn everything I have. Often times, that involved crying myself to sleep, and I'm nowhere nearer to that goal than I was yesterday, but at least I'm slowly making my way toward it.

I would agree with the posters who would say to cut down on some of the pot and alcohol use, I am not one to judge but it's fine every once in a while. When it becomes a habit, it will interfere with judgment. Combine that, as someone already said, with stress and mental illness and it can create a really uncomfortable situation. It's good you're taking steps to make your use more casual, but at the same time, you don't have to change your habits that dramatically. Just realize there is a time and place for everything.

I felt I've said this in a lot of posts, but I can't fully put myself in your shoes...I can sympathize and compare and make suggestions but can't truly give the answers. With that being said, I hope everything turns out all right and that the advice of the posts here have helped out in some little way.

The responsibilities and stresses of adult life are enough to make us feel helpless but if we take care of things one at a time, it gradually won't all seem so daunting.