Hello noneofyourbussiness: Welcome to PsychCentral. I'm not going to try to analyze your situation. Your life, as you describe it in your post, is so different from mine that any insights I might imagine I had would probably be pretty-much worthless. Also, I'm an old man, while you are still young.

I struggle primarily with anxiety & anger issues along with some accompanying depression. While I am married, I am otherwise pretty-much completely solitary by choice. I consider it my gift to the world. I have never gotten along with other people, in real life. I'm not comfortable in social situations & so I choose not to "inject" myself into them.

In my life I have been both abused & the abuser. And now I simply choose to keep to myself. I have no purpose in life. I personally don't believe there is any purpose to life. So any purpose one chooses to pursue is simply something of their own choosing, not anything connected to some "higher power", so to speak. I consider that, in this life, there is nothing to hold onto, no resting place, no sanctuary. Life simply is what it is. Nothing is hidden. I just thought I would share my perspective with you, for what it's worth.

My best wishes to you...