I can relate Jman, about this time of year and being betrayed. For the betrayal, I try to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault. Even if it was my fault for putting my trust to those kinds of people, I’d try to forgive myself. As for this time of year, idk why but I always feel awful on December. I believe there’s some kind of trauma but I couldn’t remember what. I am sorry you have a rough time now, I just come here to give u a hug