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Originally Posted by Softballjunkie8
Sooo...this is going to be kind of long. This is my 2nd post in this forum. My 1st one was about how my husband up and left me out of the clear blue and wanted a divorce. Left me with all the bills and no job I was devastated to say the least. Well good news. I was able to get a job and am now working. I am slowly trying to pick my self off the floor and then bam...my husband trys to start talking to me again.
I quit all communications with him because I felt it was best for me to try and move on. Well he about 2 weeks ago started coming by for some stuff he left and we started having "friendly" conversations It took everything in me not to lash out. I had done enough of that the 1st few times I talked to him. Everything seemed fair until last night. He called late and asked if he could come by and talk because he was really in a bad place. Reluctantly I agreed and he came over. We talked for about 3 hours and he told me regrets what he's doing but "doesn't want to be married." He said he cares for me and is still very attracted to me. He even said one day he'll realize what a good woman he left. He said he's in a bad place mentality and doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he has. He even toward the end of of discussion started to flirt with me!
This has really done wonders on my coping. I told him this and he said that if I ever needed to talk to him I could!?! This is all even more confusing. I am trying to accept the fact that the marriage is over. This has made me feel that he might want to go to counseling but then he says he made his mind up on divorce. He even said that he feels I'm the only person that he can really talk to but he is so sure about divorce. Everything he's saying is a contradiction and it's making things so much worse. I just don't know how to cope among all his confusing statements. He even mentioned being "friends" after the divorce!
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Calling late and wanting to come over to talk, sounds like possibly he wanted a booty call. Especially with flirting with you. It could be he really wants to divorce you while still having you to emotionally support him and to have sex with you when he wants - cake and eat it too, you know? It's possible that in his eyes, why would he want to give all that up if he could have it with zero commitment? Pay zero attention to what he implies, only to what he says. If he says he wants a divorce, he might make it seem like he might want to go to counseling but don't read into it, if he doesn't actually say he wants to go to counseling that will only lead to heartache.
If he's in a bad place and he needs to talk to someone I'm sure he has friends and family other than you. He can also see a therapist. If I were in this situation, I would have very strong boundaries - no coming over late at night, no coming over unannounced, if he needs to pick something up he can make arrangements to move everything out because he can't just keep coming by.