I feel like I'm going into another episode, similar to the bad one I had right before I saw a pdoc for the first time. I'm losing my appetite. I've lost about 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Anxiety is high and causing stomach issues. My thinking is distorted and my brain won't shut up. I'm irritable. I can feel depression lingering.

Oddly, I think Latuda may be trying to work. I feel real low but then later feel like maybe I'm coming back up. Feeling a bit like a yo-yo.

My energy is kind of up and down. More down than up though. I spent the past two Sundays on the couch staring at the wall. Lots of self-loathing. God, I hate myself! [Trigger] I'm getting the urge to self harm, and it's becoming difficult to resist [Trigger].

I'm growing concerned about how all this might effect my relationship with my boyfriend. He hasn't been through an episode with me, and I'm afraid he'll leave me if I let my symptoms show.

I hate being bipolar. I'm so done. Part of me wants to go off all of my meds.