Hello all, I found this forum and thought it might help me. Have really been struggling as of late. I had a depressive episode recently and spend a couple weeks either crying all the time or in bed. It seems like I've come out of that, I'm able to be up and about now and not crying all the time but my mood fluctuates a lot. Sometimes in recent days I feel euphoric and that everything is fine, that I don't have bipolar, that I can come off meds, etc. Other times I feel terribly irritable for no good reason, feel like no one understands, and feel really stuck. When I was in the depression I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, which I've not had before like that. I also was having side effects from meds and my doctor told me to decrease some of them (risperdal). I reduced lamictal too without asking him a couple weeks ago, at the time I did it hoping it would make me a little hypomanic and pull me out of the depression. I think it might have worked but I still don't feel stable. I haven't really felt stable in months and I feel like my life is not going well. The depression I had recently really did a number on me. I'm not working right now and am off a couple more weeks. I worry I'm not going to be stable enough to keep up. I feel like everyone that supports me expects me to just 'snap out of it' or that it will pass, and 'stay positive' and I don't feel like they understand how much of a struggle I've been having. It would be really nice to get some feedback and maybe here from someone who has been in a similar spot before. Thanks for reading and glad I found this board.