Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
Thank you for sharing your result. I do not believe anyone here is going to be able to tell you whether or not you are a covert narcissist... but, if you've identified traits that are associated with covert narcissism that are negative, then that's something you can work on.
I'm asking these questions more for my benefit, so please don't feel obliged to share if you don't want to ...though it may help in some way, I suppose?
From what you've said, it sounds like relationships aren't very high on the list of things that are important to you (correct me if I am wrong). I'm guessing you find it difficult, or, find you cannot "connect" and form attachments with other people (assuming you have tried). It would be interesting to hear about how you behave and interact with others in WoW. What are your relationships like with your game friends? You have mentioned that your character is powerful, important and attractive... why is this important to you? When playing WoW, do you find yourself trying to be someone else?
And these are personal questions so I don't expect an exact answer (if any at all)... how long have you known you've had SA for? How old are you now? How are you and your therapist dealing with your SA?
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I don't mind, no worries.
Relationships are important to me, but then they are not, it's a paradoxical feeling, I guess. The
idea of relationships is appealing, but in reality I find it to be way too stressful and then get little out of it, like it's far more stressful than fulfilling. Once in a blue moon I do form a strong bond with someone, but then for some reason (mystery to me), I eventually go numb and feel like I don't even know them at all. So I just fall off the grid and it's like the relationship never happened.
In WoW I enjoy being valuable and important to people. I have always played almost exclusively tanks and healers as a part of that. It's a situation where I can make choices that increase my value, and then enjoy the feeling of being valuable. I am also a role player, so having an attractive character adds to the fantasy element of immersion for me, as well. I generally go out of my way to try to help people, not because I am a good person, but because then I feel more valuable. And if they act like they like me, I feel more confident with it because it's more objective, there are objective valuable things I have to offer them which helps to ensure that they will continue to seek me out.
I don't think I really try to be someone else OOC (like when not role playing, when role playing I am of course trying to enjoy the experience of being someone else). But out-of-character as a real life player, I tend to just be a bit reserved and focus more on what I can bring to the table, because it makes me feel good.
Edit: About the therapy, I was diagnosed with all sorts of anxiety issues at the age of 15. Been in and out of therapy over the years but am not currently in therapy. I am 27 now. In my experience therapists provided little or no direction on overcoming any issues I have ever had. Maybe I've been unlucky with therapists, though. I was always just expected to blather on for 45 minutes while the therapist occasionally showed signs of life, and it was $100 a pop. I got fed up with it.