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Does your school have counselors you can talk to and find out if you need professional services? It sounds like horrible anxiety is nearly crippling.
I know how it feels being forced by well meaning family and counsel to have a practical career plan. I wanted to major in archeological studies and was pursaded not to.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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