You're right. Some of the delays have been valid, hoping my pdoc would get samples of something when there did seem to be a chance. But you are quite correct that I'm avoiding this. And I hadn't really thought of it that way. I think my depressed brain just keeps thinking that I just keep marching along the best I can and something will happen. That something is obviously not happening or my depression inventory would be even one point better than before.
I see my pdoc a week from today. I think that she is usually off the week after Christmas and I can't start tapering while she is off. So that gives me a little time with my therapist although that time will be taken with coping with Christmas probably. From there I guess I need to get input from both doctors and either take a few extra weeks for therapy or not. Looking at the calendar I may be able to do the therapy before my pdoc is back to work anyway as long as Christmas isn't too bad and if I do an extra session or two. It also depends on how slowly my pdoc has me taper the Seroquel while I'm home. If we go relatively slowly that will give me more time before i have to go in.
So I guess I need to just wrap my mind around this is it and do it. I used to be afraid of the clozaril. Now i'm afraid of the Seroquel taper, especially if I also have to come off klonopin too. I missed one day of meds last month and was so sick. I don't really want to deal with going off the meds. The last time I had to come completely off something I had been on a long time and really needed (but it wasn't working) was when I went on my MAOI and that taper was horrible. By the end I was sitting with my patient who could be frustrating thinking "I hate my life. Why am I wasting my life doing this? I hate it, I hate myself, I hate everything". And while I didn't love treating that one patient I did love what I was doing, very much so, but I had just gotten past being able to work. Work isn't an issue now but the memories of that taper make the word "taper" scary. Oh well.
Gotta do things that aren't fun sometimes and I've got to end this episode.
thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I do understand what you mean, but tbh you're looking for any reason to delay clozaril. You've been delaying it for one reason or another for months now. But at the same time if you are pretty much the same, even though it is pretty bad, then waiting even longer isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's up to you how long you want to put up with this (assuming the clozaril works for you, which I hope it does). If you're ok with the status quo for another month or so to work on your issue in therapy then go for it.
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