I don't know how to ask this, so bare with me. I saw something strange tonight and it scared me. It left me in tears and with a frightening curiousity.

I watched this movie tonight that I thought was supposed to be erotic, but turned out to be about a woman who was sexually dysfunctional and emotionally disturbed due to her father's sexual abuse on her when she was a small child. It affected her life and her marriage severely but she had no memory of it until one night with her husband, when he seemed to do everything 'right.'

I know it's just a movie and we're not supposed to believe everything we see, but this movie hit me pretty hard and I understood everything she was feeling and expressing to her therapist and her husband. I knew how she felt because I feel the same way. And what really put me over the edge was how much my life and marriage mirrored her life and marriage in the movie.

I almost feel stupid for asking this question because it was just a movie. But I feel like I have to know because I cried throughout the whole thing, just knowing how she felt and what she was going through.

But I have no memory of sexual abuse from anyone. I was "propositioned" by a cousin, but that's as far as it went and I told both my parents about it. However, I've had dreams of having sex with my dad and with an uncle that completely make me sick. But in the dream, I seem to enjoy it. I've had these dreams for years but I don't have any kind of memories of real sexual abuse.

So I guess my question is; how do you know? How do you know if you've been sexually abused, if you have no memory of it? And am I crazy for thinking this? Cause I feel like it. I've NEVER told anyone any of this before; not about my dreams, my fears, my sexual dysfunction, nothing. Please don't make fun or think I'm stupid, because I am sitting here in tears for fear people will laugh at me and call me names.

I just need answers, if there are any.