from the time i was maybe 6, to the time i was 12 or so, my mom got mad at me every time i had to go to the bathroom. one time that i remember she made me drink lots of water and timed me so i had to wait a certain amount of time before i could go, even though i begged her to let me and started crying. she made me use my allowance to buy diapers that i had to keep next to my bed because i wasnt allowed to get up. i shared a room with my younger sister who thought this was funny. my mom came up with different punishment like i had to go outside with her at night and pee in the snow if i needed to go after my bedtime.. i used to dread going to bed because i always had to pee ;-; once my mom came in and saw me peeing in a bucket at night because i was scared of her yelling at me when i came out of my room, and she was like, "really?!" and started laughing and said, "look at ___, peeing in a bucket" and called my dad in and they yelled and my mom was laughing and shaking her head. if i went in her bathroom and she caught me she would yell.. if i had to go i'd literally wait up for hours until my parents went to bed and sneak down the hall to the bathroom. other times she would stand at the bathroom door and watch me and tell me i didnt have to go that bad if i couldnt go with her watching and send me back to bed without peeing cuz i couldnt with her there. she said it was abnormal and up until i was like 13 i was scared to ask to go to the bathroom in public because she'd be like ugh you JUST went, no you cant go, wait. even if it was right there and i got embarrassed. i used to pee outside in the yard behind trees when i was out playing, because if i came inside i'd either get sent back out or yelled at. later, when i was 12 and 13, i used to secretly do things like get an old sweater or a pair of pajama pants and actually pee on them, just standing there on the bathroom floor.. i found some of my sister's old diapers and would use those.. also maxi-pads.. at this point my mom wasnt making me do it, i was just doing it because i wanted to.. (i DONT do this anymore) when i was 14, if my mom heard me getting up upstairs or the bathroom door creak, she would yell "go back to bed." i was always very secretive about it and never told anyone, but lately im thinking about it again.. i realized it turns me on to watch people pissing themselves. which is not normal i know that. this is all really humiliating but i need to know if this is abuse and if my mom has caused this or what... please dont laugh at me ._.