Ok, I'm so depressed that it's hard for me to even write this

So I'll turn 30 years old a few days coming. & I only feel like a big LOSER!

I've read some articles over the internet, & many people saying that when you're 30 yo, you're probably stood up independently on your own feet. But me, I've absolutely done nothing… I literally wasted 30 years of my life

I don't have a job, & I'm not working now. The past 3 jobs that I've got, I didn't have enough energy to stay with. First, because I've got OCD & end up having fights & problems with my coworkers. Second, because even though I apply for jobs of political research (aligning to my political science major degree), they only give me administrative work.

I finished my Master's thesis, but many people who have started Master's (7 years ago) with me, are now finishing their PhD. I'm too slow with the regular education requirements because of my perfection-OCD problems.

I'm not married, & I've only got 5 years left to be able to have children, since birth ability for women ends in the end of their 30s. & I don't think I'll ever get the chance to be married & have children. I've had 2 relationships before (& another one that I've nearly succeeded to block out of my mind), & they failed because of my OCD. But I can't imagine myself dying without having the chance of giving birth to a child of my own

& worst of all this; I'm financially dependent on my mother. I pay my rent, food, & medicine from some money that mom sends me from my dad's pension. This is the most horrible thing I can't endure thinking about, that I'm turning into 30 yo & I'm still dependent in my pocket money on my mother could it be any more horrible than that?!!

Can you share with me your experiences when you were turning 30 years old?