It sounds like you are doing great, Direction! Change is always so challenging, especially when it involves changing the way we respond when our buttons are pressed.

The conditions you describe for feeling overwhelming are a lot like one of the AA sayings: H - A - L - T. It means that I have to stop and take care of me when I am

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.

I started out being quite divorced from even recognizing these conditions in myself. It helped a lot to get into a relationship with another AA; it was so much easier to spot when another person was acting as a response to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and needed to HALT to take care of the real, underlying condition. We both had a good sense of humor, so we could usually make light of the other's miff and get back on track together.

Keep going, Direction. It sounds like you are on the right track.