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ajourneytothesun · 06:07 AM

Hi everyone,

This semester has gone absolutely terrible. I have been suffering from depression for years but it has never been this impairing. It began last semester when it became harder and harder to get out of bed but at least I could still function some. However this semester a number of things have happened:

Possible trigger:

I attempted suicide 5 times (but my mom only knows about one), I've acquired a pain pill addiction (that I am fighting off successful so far)

, I became agoraphobic, and I have many more panic attacks.

I've been a self injurer for 7 years but I'm really starting to damage myself much more.

Possible trigger:

Also the last suicide attempt wasn't due to depression, it was because I kept hearing this voice telling me to harm this girl in my class and I was really afraid that the urge was going to take over me so tried to take my life

...I have these periodic delusions like thinking my hand is infected or that there are bugs under my skin and I feel like I'm starting to lose control of them which is scary.

Do you believe it would be advisable to take off a semester? Pretty sure I will end the semester with a less than 1.0 semester GPA and a 2.3 GPA total which means if I take a medical leave it will be converted to academic suspension. I don't want that to happen so I'm trying to work hard these last days to improve.

There's a part of me that says to keep going and take the next semester without a break and another that says to take a medical leave to improve my mental health in the long run.