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Originally Posted by divine1966
I am a bit surprised you are that concerned that her BF buys her coffees or hangs her clothes. It's between two of them. Why is it a concern at all?. I could see if there was abuse of a child but if a grown BF wants to do certain things or puts up with things it's there private business. The main ( or only) grievances you have with her is his she treats her BF. Is this really worth losing a relationship with your sister.
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That was the stuff I was referring to when we had our falling out. The big blow-out about the clothes was mostly upsetting because I was there to witness it and felt very uncomfortable being in the middle of it. She has maintained (they split a couple years ago) that he was abusive to her, which I did not ever witness. Relationships can definitely be mutually abusive. I said earlier in the thread, I've learned a lot more about boundaries the last couple years. My family has always been really enmeshed, it was difficult to learn how to not revert to throwing my opinion around about stuff like my sis' relationship because we all would do that to each other. I would like to think I've learned to be less intrusive and maintain better boundaries in close relationships.
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She might need help but there is nothing you can do. We can only help ourselves. I really don't think your apology was sincere as you keep saying how everything is so wrong with her! The whole sibling relationship failed because you criticized their relationship with BF and you still do it ( even on here) even though it's been so long you've seen or talked to her.
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You asked in your post if she was as awful as I was saying, I was answering your question in giving those examples.
I don't see how I can't be sorry for saying things to her in a hurtful way unless I am also sorry for that opinion? My apology WAS sincere, in that I should not have said those things to her. Those things were, in my opinion, true. That doesn't mean they needed to be said by me, then or ever. I will always think she was abusive to that boyfriend, I won't apologize for thinking that, nor have I ever. My apology to her was for not keeping that opinion to myself, and saying it in such a way that it was extremely hurtful to her.