Elipsis, you have just described my life.

I can relate to everything you have written, because I too deal with all of it everyday.
The having no close friends because of the pressure to keep in touch, certain things triggering your anxiety and feeling shameful and trying to hide it from people around you.
Also not being able to keep a job because the routine depresses you, and you have no time for yourself.

I go through all of those same things and many more you have written.

Just today I had to go do some paper work at an office and found my heart racing and I was literally dripping in sweat because I had to sit in this big room with other people all around and fill out my answers. It's horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm sorry to hear that you struggle with this, and if you ever want to talk more, please feel free to message me.