I'm beginning to realize for me that it's okay to feel the negative, let-down feelings; to be pre-occupied with, even obsess over what I should have done or should have said or wish had happened, etc. The "bad" things are just as much a part of my life as the good ones.

I noticed, Direction, that you mentioned first that you had finished a major project on top of all your regular work. Congratulations! Think back to whether you would have been able to even realize that hard work making you tired and vulnerable to additional "stuff" from you ex- in the past? It looks pretty "balanced" to me and your realizing the good and the bad looks wonderful. There's always going to be "stuff" mixed in. Life seems a give and take sort of thing to me. The trick is the recognition and then moving on and looks like you have that down pretty well.