when my ex-roommate assaulted me i developed feelings for her to protect myself from the truth of what she did. if she hadn't been a pretentious a-hole most of the time or if we had fond memories together i probably would have let her continue doing it for even longer than she got away with, but even as it was i couldn't stand the thought of her being kicked out and it all being my fault for being an overdramatic baby who couldn't just say no louder and a dozen or two more times.

as for my original abuser + rapist, good god. if i heard for him again it'd be the end of me.