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My own road with depression was a roller coaster. In some ways it still is. It took 6 years in therapy and I don't know how many years playing with my meds to find a cocktail that works. I'm relatively stable now, but still have to be aware of my moods. Something I think we can also lose sight of is that life itself has ups and downs. Crappy stuff happens in life that would make anyone sad/down. It helps me to remember that sad due to a life event is not the same as being depressed.Does that make any sense?
I think I can also understand being afraid of getting well. Some times a known thing, even if it's miserable is less scary than the unknown. Maybe that's why your treatment team asked about your "life worth living." Maybe a better question would be what would you like your life to be like. I used to dissociate a lot. I had DID. I once told my pdoc I was afraid of losing the ability to dissociate. It helped me survive some really bad times in my life. I was afraid if I ever needed it again the ability would be gone. He told me that it probably would never go completely away, but I might find I needed it less and less. It was what I needed to hear at the time. He was also correct. I still dissociate at times, but have other ways of coping too.
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