Hello almasgemelas: Gee... it certainly sounds to me as though you are struggling with some fairly serious depression & anxiety issues and possibly developing an eating disorder to boot. I'm surprised that you are questioning if this is all of any significance. From my perspective, it certainly is. You wrote at the end of your post that you thought perhaps this is just your personality. Well... yes... but a mood disorder (depression & anxiety) is a part of the personality. Of course this is part of your personality. But it is a part that is not serving you well. Are you too much in you head? Yes, this is probably true. But, here again, this is part of what struggling with depression & anxiety are about. And, as far as being influenced by things you see on-line... well... I suspect every internet user on the planet has that problem! It's a possibility we all have to keep tucked in the back of our minds.

Personally, I would have to say that it is my perspective you are mostly in denial & working overtime to try to stay there. I certainly understand your concern regarding your previous doctor experience; having a doctor make you feel silly about going in for treatment. I have had this happen multiple times in the past. It certainly is an off-putting experience. But this should not deter you from seeking treatment for your mental health struggles.

Perhaps the best way to get started would be to seek the services of a therapist with whom you can discuss your struggles. You don't have to have a diagnosable mental illness to see a therapist. Lots of people see therapists simply to help them to resolve difficult situations in their lives. Then, if you & your therapist decide that it would be appropriate for you to see a psychiatrist, you can go ahead with that having the assurance that another mental health professional agrees this would be a good idea.

I'll tell you that I had similar experiences to the ones you describe when I was in college many years ago. I denied what was happening. I stuffed down the anxiety, the depression, & the fear. I have said, under other circumstances, that if denial were blankets, I'd have been crushed by the weight! I managed to keep going like this literally for half a century before it all came crashing down. But come crashing down it did. One can only bury this kind of agony for so long. Please do not follow in my footsteps. They don't lead anywhere you want to go... I wish you well...