Sorry to my poor English.

Now my doc diagnosed me the DP II, before that I think I am the depression, so I started a long term antidepressant treatment. sometimes it worked, most of times it didn’t.

I have no negative thoughts, no suicide thought and behave, in a way I am a positive gay, I work hard. but I lose the energy, my brain became slowly, I can’t enjoy the things that I was liked, my life is stopped, I am confusing why? I didn’t do anything wrong.

When someone told me my situation maybe is the depression and it can be cure. I suddenly felt relax and hopeful because I can recover my abilities. in that time I felt pleasure. I can enjoy the things I liked, like video game,movie,even in a relationship with someone. I felt happy. all of this can’t be happened when I am in low energy before. and then I went to hospital and seek the treatment by myself.

Today my current doctor according to this situation to diagnosed me is the DP II, because he think I was ’high’ at that time. it’s not normal. of course has another clues like it happened when I was young age, and the antidepressant didn’t works.

I saw peoples always said that they are in pain, negative moods, can’t control themselves. but I didn’t feel that profoundly. I just in low mood and low energy like I’m lazy. also I have no deeply emotions with people and things unless I am feeling ‘good’.

Now I’m in BP treatment. taking lithium 0.25g x 4 , Lamictal 50g x 3. I don’t want to take so many medicines. but I have no way.

In the end, maybe I still have a question. because I still feel a little depression and I suggest take some antidepressant several times but my doc insist “no”, he said the authoritative report points out don’t use antidepressant in BP treatment.

So anyone in BP treatment except the mood stabilizers also take the antidepressant? how’s that combination works?

Sorry for the long texts, I have no one can talk about this, because everyone thinks I’m a normal people, so do I. but there is something wrong that I can’t explain besides in medically.