I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was really poor thinking or NO thinking through on the part of your therapist. It is really frustrating to hear about therapists who encourage/allow email and then when things reach a point where they feel overwhelmed, they blame the client for getting too dependent on needing a response and they cut off the avenue of communication in one fell swoop. What the heck happened to talking things through???? Did your therapist even consider that her comment about you getting "too dependent" on her responding and that you had expectations of a "perfect" relationship was more than a little shaming? How many of us enter therapy having trouble trusting others, find ourselves invited BY THE THERAPIST to lean a bit on them by expressing our needs and letting him/her know "how they can help" and then when we venture to do exactly that, we find the rug pulled out from under us just when we need that "leaning post" the most? I'm sorry, Myrto, I think she handled things very poorly.

I get it that a therapist's boundaries can change. All boundaries in all relationships can change--over time, they can flex or they can tighten, but no matter how they change in a therapeutic relationship it should be done only after both parties talk and discuss why the change needs to happen and how it feels to have the change happen. Therapists are suppose to be teaching us how to establish our own boundaries and how to negotiate other people's boundaries! How can that happen when they jump around and aren't consistent about their own boundaries????

I've heard on this forum how clients are encouraged to email, that the therapist wants them to email and communicate what they're feeling. This usually happens in the beginning of the therapeutic relationship when the therapist is working to draw the client closer, but then when things actually begin to heat up, some of these therapist get panicky and close things down too quickly, claiming that the client is getting too dependent. I get that clients can get overly dependent, but when the charge comes out of left field, with no discussion or attempts to work with the dependency, I say that the therapist is having a knee jerk reaction that has NOTHING to do with what's going on with the client--in other words, it's on the therapist, it's her countertransference and she hasn't worked that through for herself! What the heck is that about? Personally, I'm betting that the therapist isn't admitting that she's overwhelmed with all her clients emailing long emails that require out of session time. How hard is it to admit that? How hard is it to say, "You know what, I can't read all the emails I'm getting and respond to them like I did in the beginning. I over extended my ability to respond to everyone. I'm sorry. I made a mistake. How can you and I solve this situation. What are your suggestions, Myrto? I want to support you, but we need to figure out a way for me not to be overwhelmed and for you to feel supported." Sure you'd still be hurt, but I'd bet after a few sessions talking it through, the two of you would come up with a workable solution that works for the both of you.