My wife of 30 plus years was never very into sex with me, and with the years, seemed less and less interested. When I really pushed, demanding that we see a sex-therapist together, she finally confessed to herself and to me that all her deepest attractions had been to other women friends, and that she'd had one very brief lesbian affair in the past. Now she's not interested in looking elsewhere, for a lesbian relationship, but she has zero sexual desire for me or for anyone, so 'asexual' (at least in my book).

If by some miracle my wife rediscovered her desire for sexual connection, it would surely be with another woman, which would sign the end of our marriage.

At our age, we cannot really afford divorce, and we still share a good many interests, pleasures, a host of friends. Everything that makes a good marriage, except any sexual exchange. But we want to stay together. My wife seems unable to offer any compromise, any physical connection, beyond the occasional hug or cuddle. So I have to come to terms with a sexless marriage, with celibacy that I have not chosen, that has been forced on me.

This is the background to my search for ways of diminishing or eliminating my libido. It would be funny, if it wasn't such a serious question for me. There is SO much on the web to help revive flagging sex-drives, so much discussion, so many fora. And next to nothing for people like me. Try a web search for 'anti-aphrodisiac' and see! And all the serious therapists and doctors that I've talked to say that there are no reliable chemical, medical or herbal remedies.

I'm now coming to the end of therapy, and am coming off antidepressants. Perhaps still more 'resigned' than 'at peace'. But at least I now better understand why my wife has and can have no real desire for me. So I've abandoned all hope of some miraculous change for the better.