I'm free and on my own but I'm sooo upset and I don't know why. I want to punish myself so badly and I feel like I don't deserve to live, but I'm not going to kill myself. I'm just so upset and I feel so much hatred for myself and my mom tells me I have to make myself not upset but I can't. And I feel so much shame when I talk to my mom because I know she's thinking how ridiculous I am when I tell her I want to hurt myself. She says that's my choice of I hurt myself. And she says if I call her upset again she will bring me home back to the abuse.