Hello,
I grew up with my father constantly putting me down, shaming me and telling me what a stupid loser I was, and that he wished that he could swap me for his friends' sons who were so smart and cool. So many times I wondered if I was adopted, because I new it wasn't normal for a father to hate his own son so much. I lived with that constant abuse crushing me down every day for decades, until I finally was blessed with the opportunity to leave.
I know how you feel. It will be difficult the first few months, but it will pass. You'll enjoy your freedom and you will appreciate being free from your abuser.
Stay strong. You will be fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by paradox22
I'm free and on my own but I'm sooo upset and I don't know why. I want to punish myself so badly and I feel like I don't deserve to live, but I'm not going to kill myself. I'm just so upset and I feel so much hatred for myself and my mom tells me I have to make myself not upset but I can't. And I feel so much shame when I talk to my mom because I know she's thinking how ridiculous I am when I tell her I want to hurt myself. She says that's my choice of I hurt myself. And she says if I call her upset again she will bring me home back to the abuse.
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