Quote:
Originally Posted by Findingjoy1795
Am I scared to get better? Do I sense I'm doing ok and push myself back down? I don't need answers, but has anyone else ever felt this way? Like somehow you're stopping your own pursuit of a normal life? Thoughts?
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I understand. And no, I don't think you consciously don't want to get better. We all want to get better. But sometimes I do feel like I don't want to change things about me, because it will change the expectations of others. I guess I feel like if I didn't have depression and anxiety holding me back, I would have to really go for the gold, and I'd have no excuse if I didn't succeed.
I think it's just one of those self-defeating thoughts we have though. It could also just be that you don't believe in your heart you'll ever get better, and when things start to look good you don't want to get your hopes up. I definitely feel like that some days. I've been on a roller coaster the past couple weeks, and while I appreciate the good moments, I almost feel it would have been easier if they hadn't happened, because I just keep getting crushed over and over.