What a bad weekend. This is the first time I have EVER binged. I ate so much at once. Of course I forced it away. But the pain... lots of blood, which really startled me. I have had blood but never this much. And its just continued from there. Not any more binges but the throwing up even liquids. I like slush, or slurpies. I had one today, and couldn't hold it in.

I am so afraid to go see the doctor on Monday. I really tried and just completely lost it. Now I feel like I am further back then I ever was. I don't understand what triggered this. I have never binged like this.

My back feels like its breaking. It hurts right to the bones. Chest pains big time. And this lump in my neck is so weird. I thought maybe I was imagining things but I asked my bf to feel it and he went white. I am glad to have this mamogram coming up. But afraid of whats happening in my body. I feel like I deserve this, if its something really bad, well I am handed what is coming. Sounds terrible and I guess I need another kick. But I am just feeling a little down and hopeless. (I suck at spelling, sry).

I have had this lump in my throat, (from wanting to cry), I am trying to hold it back. It gives me such a wicked head ache when I cry and I already have a bad enough one. My heart feels empty and it hurts emotionally inside. See, I couldn't do even with all these people counting on me. I let them down and myself. I have lost a significant amount of weight again. This is not good.

Justy--Just wanted to say sorry for all of the posts, I see that I have many. Sorry, please bare with me. Thanks all.